Roller Coaster

It has been a few weeks....
This Cancer journey is a roller coaster of emotions....and it sucks!!!

Hub had a pretty good Labor Day.. He was able to enjoy the festivities for two nights and even attended a high school football game!!  I am so happy when he has good days.

Friday, September 7th, we traveled back to Duke.  He was scheduled for the second phase of the radioembolization.  They took him back a little after seven that morning....and he was discharged at 2pm that evening. 

I can see a change in husband...not only physically ( he is still losing weight...weighs 149lbs and weighed 187 in April) but emotionally as well.  I believe he is getting tired of fighting even though I encourage him daily and try to make things easier for him.  He isn't his happy, jolly self...he tries to put up a front, but I know...I know the pain, the heartache he is feeling. 

I have faith, but it is days like this...I question...Where Are You God?  Are You Listening?  I know you have seen my tears and heard my prayers as I cry out to you.  I know your timing is perfect, but I still question.  I see my husband suffer daily...cancer who would have thought...he was the healthy one in the family...exercised, ate right, was the peace maker...and a great person...Now Cancer has Sucked this out of him!!  I hate Cancer!!!

Today hasn't been a good day....Hopefully Tomorrow will be better.

Our little vacation....

Our little vacation this year.  One of the best vacations ever!

Hub and I went to Pigeon Forge for a few nights last week.  The weather was perfect and Charlie had a pretty, good time...which made my heart smile!  It had been a few years since we had been anywhere due to Charlie's cancer returning.  He was the one who wanted to go....I was a little reluctant...what if he gets sick, where is the hospital, a million questions racing through my mind...but I went.

Later that week, we were joined by this cutie pie...

Daughter, hub, and this cute thing, Blake, came.  Like us, they hadn't been anywhere in a few years, with sickness and the birth of a newborn just didn't have the time to go.  So glad they came to spend 4 nights with us.

This was Blake's first vacation and his dad, Kenneth doesn't believe in sitting around... this too, makes me smile.  

He loved the Rainforest Zoo.  He is so attentive.

Thoroughly enjoyed the Aquarium!

We learned he loved ice cream!!  Yep, he is daughter's son!!

He had a great time at the Island.....

 They are great parents!

A visit to Build A Bear....

Look, I can palm a basketball....wonder where he takes his talent after..hum..

Blake is blessed to have great parents even if they do some crazy stuff with him..

Dad did have a hard time getting his shirt off!

We left a day earlier than planned but had a great time.

Charlie and I got home Saturday so these two fellows could spend the night with us.  It has been since February since they have been able to spend the night.  A long, sad story...

Daughter sent this picture to me that night...I think they both were a little tired.

One of the best vacations EVER!

Have a great week.

Lessons from Cancer

.

I have finally put my grandson down for his nap (he fights his sleep...at six months old) and hub is taking a nap....the house is quiet...

Then it donged on me....It is August 1st...!!!!  What happened to June and July?  

I remember growing up, I thought time went by so slowly.  I always wanted time to hurry up. Boy, what was I thinking????  I  

I am not in one bit of a hurry now a days.  With hub's cancer returning, it has caused me to stop and just take it slow.   My father use to tell me to stop and smell the roses because I was always rushing around...jokingly I responded it is nervous energy...I am hyper.  I must admit, it has taken me awhile to slow down. I kinda enjoyed the fast pace, but I kinda enjoy the slower pace.  My calendar is now blank with just doctor appointments written down. A few years ago, every space was filled with appointments, engagements, etc. to attend.  I would fret if I had an empty date. I was also OCD when it came to housekeeping, schedules, and such. People use to tell me instead of being OCD, I was CDO (completely in order).   My house had to be in complete order...cleaning at least 2 to 3 times a week and I had a schedule for everything.  Not now...  I don't mean to sound as if hub's cancer is great, but the cancer has taught me to slow down.  Cancer has taught me to appreciate the good days...and take advantage of them.  Cancer has taught me it is okay for my house not to be spic and span clean.  There were so many plans we had....now we don't plan ahead.  I would never be a spur of the moment person, but now I am...if hub is having a good day...we go.  

Cancer has a way of humbling one.  A few weeks ago, hub's scans were not good.  I knew the moment the doctor walked in the room, she dreaded telling him the news....the chemo wasn't working, the tumors were growing, we are between a rock and a hard spot.  Man this was a tough pill to swallow.  I was crying and I said it wasn't fair...I thought we were good people, what on earth is happening!!  Hub responded by saying, "You know what's not fair?"  "What?",I responded.  "A little child having cancer, that's what isn't fair.  I am 62 yrs old."  Shew, this got to me...quit thinking about the what ifs...and our plans..

Cancer sure has thrown us a curve ball.  But we are still playing the game.

Have a great week.  Enjoy Life

Weekend Rewind....

Weekend Rewind....


It has been a long time since hub and I had a great weekend!!


This weekend was a crafts/arts festival a few miles away with a chili cook off.

On Friday evening, hub and I went to listen to the band Phantom. The music is my kind of rock-n-roll.  Hub was in his element....he loves people and the people were glad to see him out and about. A great evening and the rain held out until the band was finished.  Thankfully, hub and I made it back to our vehicle in the nick of time before the clouds opened up and the rain came.

Saturday, hub was a little blah, but that evening he wanted to go to the chili cook off.  Groups of people, or rather teams of people, compete in who has the best chili.  A person buys tickets and then is allowed to go around and sample the chili and cast your vote for the best chili team. There is also music all night.  On our way, I could see the clouds becoming dark and the farther we went the darker the clouds became.  We found a place to park and convinced hub after checking the weather on my phone to sit in the vehicle for a few minutes before heading out.  Within minutes the storms rolled in!  The lightening was dancing all around.  We sat in our vehicle and watched people scurrying for shelter.  After an hour of sitting in our vehicle, we decided the storm was not going to be over soon, so we left. 

After church on Sunday, we headed to the arts/crafts festival.  The rain had really cooled down the temps and it was cloudy.  I was skeptical at first because I didn't want hub to get caught in the rain, but daughter convinced me it would be okay after checking her radar.  The weather was perfect!  Little man enjoyed the festival...his eyes were darting all over the place!  He did get tired of riding in his stroller and wanted to be carried,,,but that is okay.

Our park is so beautiful.

We went to eat dinner after wards, and this little man stole the show.

We had just finished eating when the storms rolled in again.  After we took daughter, her husband, and little man home...rainbows appeared.

I think hub and I saw four rainbows!!  Absolutely beautiful.

A great weekend....the first in a looong time!  So thankful that hub enjoyed himself!

Hub travels back to Duke Tuesday for the second phase of the Y90 procedure.  Please keep him in your prayers.....specifically for him to tolerate this without much nausea and this shrinks his cancer tumors.

Have a Blessed Week
Enjoy Life!

Frequent Flyer Miles....

Happy Friday!!

Since I have retired from teaching and no longer have been subbing since March, I usually don't pay attention to the days of the week.  Many times I ask daughters or hub what day of the week it is or mainly I just check my calendar.

I wish I could cash in on frequent flyer miles....while traveling by car.  Monday, July 9th hub had an appointment at Duke in Durham, North Carolina (which is 4 hrs one way) for scans.  The scans were discouraging for the chemo he was taking was not doing its job.  It was a long drive home... Duke called Wednesday and scheduled an appointment on Friday for radiology at 9am.  Hub doesn't like to spend the night....YEP! left early Friday morning. After meeting with radiologist, Dr. Martin a Y 90 procedure was planned.   The Y90 procedure is a two phase process...it is like having a heart catherization, but instead of looking at the heart, one looks at the liver...same process. The drive back home was not as long as Monday's drive.

Saturday, we left earlier heading back to Raleigh North Carolina for a Trade Show with our drug company for pharmacy. Daughter and I did tell hub we had already booked a room! ha...he had to stay the night. I am not a pharmacist, but I did enjoy the trade show...even though I did not win the ten thousand dollars.  The winner was given a 10,000 credit to his/her account.  In order to win, your monopoly board had to be completed by attending seminars and speaking to many, many vendors.

 Me with the money.

 Hub with the money.

 Daughter with the money.

Daughter and I in jail.

It was an enjoyable trip!  One trip we needed because Cancer has stolen our joy in so many ways.  It felt good not thinking about Cancer for a few hours.

Monday, Duke called and Charlie was scheduled for the Phase I of the Y90 on Wednesday.  I talked him into spending the night. The Y90 is like a heart catherization so the Phase I which last 4 to 6 hrs. is mapping his liver for the high dose of radiation and making sure the radiation does not go to other parts of his organs.  Everything went according to plan on Wednesday.....I was a nervous wreck, but glad to hear this good news.  We headed home after the procedure which was around 7:30 that evening.  Hub rested in the second row of the van... Like the doctor said Wednesday, hub was having a better time than me!!

Yesterday, Duke called and Phase 2 of the procedure is scheduled for this Tuesday at 1:00.  I don't know all the precautions this will entail.  I do know he can be in the same room with our grandson, BUT cannot hold him and he and I can't sleep together.  I told the doctor, heck we don't sleep together now...hub sleeps in the recliner and I on the sofa...I am afraid I won't hear him if he needs me.  The only time I have slept in a bed has been when we have spent the night at the hotel.  I just pray this goes according to plan, hub doesn't have a lot of side effects (nauseous, fatigue, and flu like symptoms are a few), and this kills the cancer tumor in his liver that quadrupled since April.

little man and I pray daily for our 'Buddy.'

Having him around has sure been a blessing in many ways.


Since Monday, July 9th I have driver around 1700 miles!!  I wish there was frequent flyer miles for driving!

Have a Blessed Weekend.....Enjoy

Wednesday Hodgepodge

1. What's something in your house you'd like to get rid of but can't?

My brown couch in the den.  Our den is so small and I can't find a sofa that will fit where I need it to.

2. When is the last time you experienced a sense of nostalgia? Elaborate.


Just a few weeks ago.  When listening to music from my past, I long to go back...so many good memories.

3. You're only allowed three apps on your smart phone or tablet...which three do you keep


AccuWeather, Bible App, SnapChat-(this is how I can talk to grandson)

4. July 11th is National Blueberry Muffin Day. Who knew? Do you like blueberry muffins? If you were going to have a muffin would blueberry be your choice? What's the last thing you baked?

I like blueberry muffins and never knew today was National Blueberry Day.  If I were to have a muffin it would be Pumpkin and cream cheese.
The last think I baked was brownies.

5. What's the biggest way you've changed since you were a child? In what way are you still the same?


As a child, I think I wished my life away....wanting to grow up too fast...now I wish I was still a child some days.  Besides gaining some extra pounds and having some gray hair, I think the biggest way I have changed since I was a child is looking at things differently.  

I still enjoy summer carefree days....soaking up the sun.

6. Insert your own random thought here.


Hub had an appointment yesterday at Duke.  His scans were discouraging, BUT I still believe God will heal him!

Have a great rest of the week!

Welcome July

This past week....shew glad we moved on to July!


Hub has been battling cancer again (first time in 2010) since Feb. of 2017.  This second round has been a doozy.  He has been allergic to the first two types of chemo, third type of chemo quit working, and this fourth type of chemo (he is currently taking) really lowers your WBC....his dropped to 0.8.  He then had pneumonia last week and had to go to the emergency room twice.  BUT he is feeling better today!!

Tomorrow is my birthday....July 3rd...almost a firecracker!!  My daughters and hub keep asking me what I want...Nothing....I only want hub to get better, to get stronger, to get back to where he use to be.  This cancer has stolen so much from us....our security, our happiness, our comfort...and the list could go on and on.  We (He) do have our good days and take full advantage of that!  Hopefully and praying there will be many good days left.  Hub's birthday is July 9th and that is the day he returns to Duke for blood work and scans....scan anxiety is already coming into play. Prayers appreciated.

We don't have any special plans for the Fourth of July.  A few years ago, we always planned a cook out, games, and then attend the fireworks.  So this year, we will just see how hub feels.

Last week it rained everyday.....Now we are in a heat danger index...with temps in the high 90s with a heat index of 104+.  Enjoying the comfort of the AC!  Yesterday, hub and I were talking how we knew it was this hot when we were growing up, but we didn't complain.  We had no AC in the house used only fans which tended to blow out hot air.  We didn't have AC in our vehicles, either.  We reminisced about how we would lay under a shade tree, ride our bicycle for hours in the heat,  never inside the house till dark,  using a water hose to cool off, and playing to the wee hours of the morning.  Time has surely changed. 

Wishing all a Happy Fourth of July....
If you live close to me stay cool!