April A-Z Challenge... Letter 'J'

 

                                          J

                                                   Journey

Mr. Webster defines journey as a passage from one place to another.  My grief journey will always be an on going journey.  Final destination will be when I see my loved ones again.

My passage is learning to live/adapt to this 'new normal'.  Each day will be new and different.  Some days I will be like a turtle that retracts my head back into my shell and other days I will be like a falcon.

This journey, new beginning, is rough, but I asking God to tightly hold my hand.  I want him to hold my hand because if I hold his I might let go. And when those days come that are too rough for me just pick me up and carry me.

God holds me in the palm of his hand as I journey through this new beginning.

April A- Z Challenge....Presenting the letter 'I'

 

                                                    I

                                              Inspire

My life has been completely shaken up, changed, and rearranged.  Thinking about a new beginning is  because of my painful ending.  I know I have to get out of this rut and begin to live; as much as I wanted the world to stop; it didn't.

Late one evening I began talking to myself and feeling down.  It is just me...so I really don't have anyone to encourage me.  I began thinking, What can I do?

Here are the things I have been doing:

Get out of the house!!!  I go to school (teach part-time), to church, and maybe to pick up something quick from the grocery store and that is about it.  These walls were caving in on me.  I began walking in the town park again...(it was hard walking by myself).  Even on cool days when it is too cool to walk at the park, I walk around my house.  Many times I stand in my driveway and watch traffic go by.  I contacted a friend and we had lunch one afternoon. 

I have never been a person who journals, but I began.  When I can't sleep (which is most nights) because my brain won't turn off (constantly on repeat), I start writing.  I write down everything I am thinking.  Just dump my brain.

My morning devotions have been a part of my routine for years.  I have been studying the book of Psalms.  Crying out to God and praising HIM each morning is how I begin my days.

I have always been a reader, but I always read for pleasure.  Now, I read about people who demonstrated huge amounts of faith in trying times while going through their own personal trials.  I ain't the only one, ya'll!!

Even though, there are some things I have started doing, I will praise God in this storm.  He is my inspiration as I begin my new beginning.

April A-Z Challenge...Letter 'H'

                                        H

                                    Heart

A new beginning...a new heart. 

My grandmother taught me to be kind, respectful, helpful, polite... I have never considered myself to be too good-hearted of a person.  One of my grandomther's quotes was what precedes from your mouth comes from your heart. Whoa!!  There have been a lot of stuff that comes from my mouth that I am ashamed of.  

Judgmental is a characteristic I would use to describe myself...not a good characteristic to have.  Not overly judgmental but I am judgmental.  Here lately, I have taken a step back and  trying to not be so judgmental.  My experiences have taught me that one never knows what a person is going through or what a person has been through and I have no right to judge!!  See the person through God's eyes not mine.

A new heart....quit being so judgmental, quit flying off the handle, just quit.  Have a heart like God.  A heart full of love, serves others, and isn't judgmental.

"Create a clean heart for me, God; put a new faithful spirit deep inside me". (Psalms 51:10)

A new heart with my new beginning.

April A-Z Challenge...Letter 'G'

 

                                         G

                                                                  Gratitude

There have been (there still is) days when I have found every reason under the sun to complain and be ungrateful.  It is raining, the wind is blowing, the only red light in my town is red, and I could go on and on and on.  Being grateful is harder than complaining.  

"This is the day which the Lord hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it." (Psalm 118:24).

After completing my morning devotions, I have been listing 5 or 6 things I am grateful for: the sunshine, friends, sleep, laughter, church services, my health, backpack program for children, praise for good reports, coffee, unexpected notes from friends, etc.  Some mornings I may repeat things I have written earlier,but I am okay with that.  Learning to count my blessings, boosts my spirit for the day!  

There is always something to be grateful for.

April A - Z Challenge... Letter 'F'

                           

                                       F

                               Fear Not

My husband passed away in 2018; we were married 37 years.  I leaned a lot on my husband for car maintenance, house repairs, yard work, decisions I needed to hash out , and other stuff that would need tending.

Now it is only me.  Let me tell you, I freak out when something breaks; I mean I literally make myself sick!  Possible scenarios of things that could happen run through my mind.  FEAR...Example...when I had to go and get gas for my lawn mower, I became petrified.  Can I fill up the gas container without spilling gas everywhere?, Am I able to carry the container of gas?,  Can I secure the container correctly in the truck so if I hit a bump ( I know I will) in the road the gas won't turn over and gas spill out in the bed of the truck?,  What if someone hits me, will I blow up?  This probably sounds crazy to most, but I had these genuine fears.

I am not even going to mention the strange noises I hear in the middle of the night.  I tell ya'll there are some strange noises in my house in the wee hours of the morning.

                                                              Fear Not

A healthy fear can keep me from harm.  But I was learning to be afraid; my mind was creating most of these fears which isn't healthy.  Was I going to live in a constant state of fear? OR learn to let go of some of the fears that were created in my mind?

"Don't fear, because I am with you; don't be afraid; for I am your God..." (Isaiah 41:10)

As I begin to enjoy life, I pray God will quiet my fears.

 

April A-Z Challenge... Letter 'E'

                                    E

                                             Easter

Easter was just celebrated two days ago.  To me, Easter symbolizes rebirth.  A time for new beginnings, time for a fresh start, and a time for new hope.

I remember as a young child, getting all dressed up in my Easter outfit for church.  It always seemed my little church was packed at Easter.  Many people that rarely came to church showed up Easter morning.  The pews were packed.  Somehow I always sat close to my daddy on the church pew.  About halfway through the service, I would become squirmy. My head needed scratching and I wanted the bonnet off (which I would get the ribbon in a knot and of course Daddy would have to unknot it), I would pull at my tights, and my gloves now that was a different problem.  Daddy would give me the look and a quick elbow in my side.  These were his warning signs for me to sit still.

A few weeks ago while walking, (finally a day that was warm without rain) I felt Daddy's elbow in my side.  This jab came with a different warning and message.  It was a message to begin living again.  I have experienced the worst pain, but I can't go back and fix the past. I have to move forward. This message was on repeat my entire walk.  My warning from Daddy to stop shriveling away my life and  move forward.

Just as Easter symbolizes a new creation, a new beginning, and new hope, and a new life so will I.

I have power to bring light into my life.  I have hope when my heart is breaking and aching, when the pain is sometimes unbearable.  Hope that will persevere me through each day. Hope will sustain me.

 

April A-Z Challenge....Letter D

 

                                       D

                                          Determined

Determined to declare this statement every morning, "Today is going to be a great new day." I look at my calendar daily (every morning and every evening)  therefore I put this saying  on a post it note and stuck it to my calendar.

I wish life came with a rewind button, but it doesn't and honestly there are a few things in my life I don't want to rewind.  I am sure I am not the only one in the world that wishes this.  Just would like some important, meaningful milestones to rewind.  

Starting my day with a positive statement will put me in a better frame of mind. And reduce my negative thoughts.  I am determined to make a conscious effort to think positive. 

"Be willing to be a beginner every morning." (Meister Eckhart).  Today is a new day and a new me to make memories. Spend time each day looking for positive  things (turn off the news which is so depressing).  Train my brain to look for the positives instead of the negatives.  Since COVID my exercise classes have been cancelled.  Going to exercise class put me in such a great mood and I never thought so much about negative thoughts. I am training my brain to concentrate on positive things. These last 4 days I have been doing this and eventually this will become a habit.

I don't know what the future holds for me, but I will focus on this...I know WHO holds the future.

With a new day comes new strength and new thoughts.