Sunday, October 28, 2018

Six Months


What does six months mean to you?

Six months until I graduate....oh how happy to finally be through with all this schooling and ready to take on the world.

Six months until I marry the man of my true love...the person I will share the rest of my life with.

Six months until the birth of my baby...I can't wait to hold that bundle of joy.

Six months until vacation...I have worked so hard and can't wait for some rest and relaxation time.


Six months until I celebrate my birthday...

Six months until Christmas

Six months of free trial on an app


Six months until you die....What???  This was the news hub received Tuesday from his doctor at Duke.  Husband has been battling cancer.  He was first diagnosed with colon cancer in 2010.  He took the chemotherapy for 7 months...became allergic on the 11th cycle, but hey, his oncologist said that research has said that 6 cycles were sufficient and he had 11 cycles!  He went for all his check-ups as scheduled and all was great.  In 2017, he began having abdominal pain and he went for a scan.  Cancer had rid its ugly head again.  He had surgery at Duke in May 2017, went through the desensitizing for chemo (no luck still allergic), began a new chemo and this chemo worked great until January of 2018.  We began searching other options and were told to stay at Duke.  In July and August of this year, he had embolization..which is a type of radiation like a heart cath...same procedure but instead of going to the heart...radiation beads (over a million we were told) were shot into his liver.  For the past few weeks he has not been feeling the best....loss of appetite (he has lost over 80 lbs), very tired, hurting more, more fullness, and weak.  I contacted Duke and explained all these symptoms and he was scheduled for test.  I knew husband wasn't doing well, but I never expected his oncologist to say...Mr. Doane you have six months or less to live!!!  Oh how the tears flowed.  I was so thankful our minister was with us to drive us back home.  

On the way home much talk as to how to tell our daughters and hub's son.  We decided to tell them that evening.  We texted them and asked them to meet us at the coffee shop around 9 (that was when we would be getting home) and not to call us.  We pulled into the driveway and shortly after wards they came.  Daughter #2 could tell something was wrong...due to my swollen eyes...I cried all the way could I not?  Daughter #1, I do believe knew..she is a doctor of pharmacy and she knew the symptoms her father was having were not good. Husband's son wanted to know what he wanted to do or was there a place he wanted to go.  Me...I wanted to scream to the top of my lungs!!

The next morning, I tried to gather my thoughts.  Was this a dream?  How were we to go on?  I wanted all this to be a big nightmare. Hub and I have cried a lot, been reminiscing, shared many hugs, and have had tough talks.  He has taught me and is still teaching me the everyday business of the pharmacy;  Daughter #1 is the pharmacist, but husband has been taking care of the business end for the past 5 years so I am trying to take on this role now. 

Some changes have happened these last five days since we heard those dreadful words...
Husband's son has started having his two boys ride the school bus to our house in the evenings...we haven't really seen these two boys like we use to,  many friends have stopped by to talk some holding hub's hand and crying with him, much food has been brought to the house, and many phone calls and text.  We really do appreciate all these acts of kindness and I do know each one means so much to my precious husband, Charlie.

Today was hard in church.  I tried to smile, but the tears kept flowing.  I never thought abut hub dying.  I told hub after church, even though we heard six months or is up to the Great Physician...God.  He is the only one who knows when that day will come...Until then, I keep my trust and faith in God and keep praying.

and though my heart is torn, I will praise you in this storm.....

1 comment:

  1. Tammy I'm so sorry to hear this news. I am praying for strength and courage and peace. This is a hard road. Cling to your faith and your family and know many are lifting you all up in prayer. xo


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