As I write, I am deeply sadden. The tears just won't seem to stop nor will the question- Why? Why?
Friday evening hub and I were eating a late dinner. His phone rang-I could tell by his expression it was not good news-especially when he said, "Oh My-I will tell Tammy." My friend's husband had died. I went numb and we left the restaurant. On the way home, hub asked if I wanted to stop by my friend's house-No was my answer-I just wanted to go home. I was numb.
Saturday morning-I didn't want to call friend or even go to her house. Instead I shoveled a pile of topsoil in our yard (now this topsoil had been there all week) and then I proceeded to wash/scrub the vinyl siding-no power wash-I scrubbed and scrubbed. The more I scrubbed the vinyl the more I thought I had had a nightmare and would someone please wake me up.
That evening, hub told me to get ready because we were going to my friend's house. I did-it was like i was a little child-someone telling me what to do and when to do it.
As we approached my friend's driveway, there was her mother-in-law sitting on the porch. God Bless this woman for she has already buried a son at a very young age. This son was only 45and he happened to be my hub's best friend. Walking slowly up the porch, I kept praying for me to hold it together and I did. This lady (81 yrs old) has been through a lot in her lifetime. I sat while I listened to her recap what had happened. She wanted to talk and I listened.
After awhile I went in the house. When my friend looked up to see me, we locked arms and the tears came. I whispered how much I love her to her and then we took a walk. As we walked she also told how her husband had died. He was on his way to get his grandson and had a heart attack and had run off the road. When the police found him, the truck was still running. My friend was angry and so was I. As we continued walking, it occurred to me that I do believe it is okay to cry, be angry, to talk incessantly or to just sit dumbly-whatever she needs to do to get through these moments, weeks, or even months-it is okay. I told her a verse I would repeat to myself when my oldest daughter was going through her heart surgeries and when hub was finishing up a chemo treatment: "Weeping may linger for night, but joy comes with the morning." Psalm 30: 5 We may be weeping now, but joy will come, and our tears will still fall, and we will always have a sweet memories of this man.
My heart is aching now for my friend and her family-and it okay for me to cry.
I ask for prayers for this dear friend of mine and her family for the days and months ahead.