Sunday, December 30, 2018

My First Christmas



My First Christmas....
It was tough


This was my first holiday without my beloved husband, Charlie.  Actually, Thanksgiving was the first. But hub passed away the day before Thanksgiving....so  Thanksgiving was skipped this year at my house.  In my book, Christmas was the 'first' holiday without my husband and a tough one it was.  The emotions got the best of me.  It felt like I was going through the emotions of celebrating.

The tree was decorated.
The stockings were hung.

I had dinner with a few friends...I thank God for friends during this season of life I am going through.

I participated in the ugly sweater contest at church. #2 daughter decided to dress us as 'baby shark' in sweatshirts..

In baby shark because of this little guy loves baby shark...
I love his hair...his trademark.  No matter what we try to do, his hair has a mind of its own!!

Hub loved cooking a huge Christmas breakfast.  Both daughters asked if I would still cook breakfast, which is a huge undertaking for me since I am not known for my cooking skills. The day before,  I called a college friend in Georgia who gave me some pointers on how to fry ham and I wrote down what she told me. I woke up early Christmas morning, and the sky was beautiful.
I vigorously began preparing breakfast...and then the tears came...uncontrollable tears...with every egg I cracked open I cried.  I turned on some Christmas music...this only made it worse...so I switched to the 70s/80s music.  I know, Christmas morning listening to 70s/80s music isn't what it is supposed to be like but it helped.  
The table was set, but I couldn't put a plate where hub usually sat.
As a matter of fact, I asked that no one sit in hub's usual spot.  I just couldn't stand anyone sitting there.

After breakfast, which I could tell wasn't the jolly Christmas breakfast (but I knew daughters were missing their dad just as much as I was) we began opening up gifts.
This young man, was so excited.
This little guy was thrilled to just get one gift...forget about the other presents just let me play!

Oldest daughter and her husband first Christmas as Mrs.and Mr. 

When all left that afternoon (one has to share daughters with their other family), I sat and reflected on the day....more tears..  I missed my Charlie terribly!!  There was an ornament a sweet lady made for me with his picture in it.
I spent the next minutes or hours just talking to him.  Death is so hard...and my life is changed...
I went to the cemetery and talked to him some more.
I know he was probably laughing at how stressed I was cooking Christmas breakfast.  But I know he is no longer suffering from Cancer.

When I got home, I cried some more, then smiled.  All was good for a little while.  I remembered the face of this sweet angel..

Little ones do help bring a smile through the tears.

Hope all had a Merry Christmas.

Wishing all a very Happy New Year!  I usually have a 'word' for the New Year, but I haven't one at the moment..maybe in the next week or so I will have come up with one.

Until next time...Enjoy Life!







Sunday, December 9, 2018

Some happenings

Some happenings from my week....

Hellooo....

All week the meteorologist was predicted a winter storm.  Now, nine times out of town when the meteorologist predicts snow...they miss it.  Well, this time...they were exactly right.  The snow started in the wee hours of Sunday morning and it has just now stopped...only to begin again tomorrow..so they say.  I haven't measured the amount but from looking at Facebook (the news) people have posted 14 inches.  That is a lot of snow.



I was out shoveling my driveway and a nice young man came by and finished the driveway on his tractor. I didn't catch his name...but I thank him from the bottom of my heart. I am also thankful that my electricity has stayed on.  Unfortunately, some people in my area are without electricity, and I truly hope they will not be in the dark too long.
I did prepare for the storm...


Yesterday, I went to watch my local high school football team, Chilhowie Warriors, play in the State Football Game.  Hub and I went to many of the games and we developed a special bond with many of the players.  A few days before hub passed away, the seniors on the football team along with the coach came to the house and presented hub with the game ball of the week before.

A football I will treasure.
I can still see the happiness in hub's eyes.
The Warriors lost...State runner-up Champions, but they have won in my heart.  These fine group of senior boys (15) will always be special to me.  The night of my hub's funeral service, the boys had a game.  They arrived on a school bus still in their uniforms to attend the service...how heartwarming.
He was a true Warrior...his blood ran orange and black!

It is hard getting into the Christmas spirit...I am trying but it just doesn't seem like Christmas. Hub passed away a few weeks ago...and this is HARD! BUT, I finally got my tree up with this little helper.
Nothing like a little child to help you get through the holidays.
Daughter #2 did not have to work one day last week, and she and I took Blake to see Santa Clause.  We both didn't know what to expect...if he would cry or scream or enjoy sitting on Santa Clause's lap since this would be his first time seeing the jolly ole man.
He didn't cry, but he wanted down...he is beginning to walk and does not want to be held now.

I have not begun Christmas shopping and was planning on picking up a few things this week.  Hopefully, the weather will clear up so I can get presents and get them wrapped.

Have a Blessed Week and Enjoy Life





Thursday, December 6, 2018

My Love


Charlie,
My Love


Husband fought hard...he was truly a fighter.  He was first diagnosed with cancer in 2010 (colon cancer).  Husband, Charlie, completed the chemo treatments and went regularly for his scheduled appointments.  In 2017, Cancer, the ugly beast it is, returned.  Surgery at Duke, more chemo treatments, chemo quit working, went to Cancer Treatments of America and was advised to stay at Duke, started new chemo treatment only to find out this chemo wasn't working, had embolization radiation only this did not work, so began a third chemo treatment, "The Hail Mary" as his oncologist referred to this as.  Charlie took 8 pills of this chemo and then we had to go to the hospital.  We were at the hospital for 3 nights and he came home with Hospice Care.  Charlie passed away the day before Thanksgiving.  My aunt and I were both holding his hands as he  took his last breath. He fought for so hard to live.

Charlie and I were married for 37 years; not all glorious years at first, but we learned to navigate our way through marriage life.  Hub loved to move and we moved NINE times during our 37 years of marriage, but the moves were still in the same radius ...Never more than ten mile radius.  He loved to remodel and could see the big picture, I on the other hand, just wanted the house complete quickly.

We had a great Love Story....
We raised two beautiful daughters, and we both enjoyed attending all their activities in high school and college. We were both so proud watching them accomplish their dreams and receiving their doctorate degrees.  
Hub and I enjoyed going to all the local high school sporting events...I think this kept us young.  We enjoyed our trips to Pigeon Forge and to the beach.  We enjoyed just getting in the car and going for drives with no destination planned...just drive to wherever we wanted. Hub and I did have different interests, but there was so much we enjoyed doing together.

I miss him so much...there are no words to express how I miss him.  With the holidays quickly approaching it is difficult for me to see happy couples and listening to couples making plans and I feel cheated that hub was taken away.  Sometimes, I feel like screaming and telling all to hush because my love was taken but then I remember what hub said to me one day at Duke....we were waiting to see the oncologist and I told hub this wasn't fair for him to have cancer, and hub replied."You know what's not fair, Tammy, is for a little child to have cancer."  This shut me up and I never said that to him again!  I will get through the holidays and I will smile and I will cry some (well a lot), but I will  be okay.

Cancer stole a lot of joy from us....and I HATE CANCER!!  BUT CANCER CAN NEVER STEAL THE GREAT MEMORIES I HAVE OF MY LOVE, Charlie.






Christmas 2017.


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