Sunday, December 30, 2018

My First Christmas



My First Christmas....
It was tough


This was my first holiday without my beloved husband, Charlie.  Actually, Thanksgiving was the first. But hub passed away the day before Thanksgiving....so  Thanksgiving was skipped this year at my house.  In my book, Christmas was the 'first' holiday without my husband and a tough one it was.  The emotions got the best of me.  It felt like I was going through the emotions of celebrating.

The tree was decorated.
The stockings were hung.

I had dinner with a few friends...I thank God for friends during this season of life I am going through.

I participated in the ugly sweater contest at church. #2 daughter decided to dress us as 'baby shark' in sweatshirts..

In baby shark because of this little guy loves baby shark...
I love his hair...his trademark.  No matter what we try to do, his hair has a mind of its own!!

Hub loved cooking a huge Christmas breakfast.  Both daughters asked if I would still cook breakfast, which is a huge undertaking for me since I am not known for my cooking skills. The day before,  I called a college friend in Georgia who gave me some pointers on how to fry ham and I wrote down what she told me. I woke up early Christmas morning, and the sky was beautiful.
I vigorously began preparing breakfast...and then the tears came...uncontrollable tears...with every egg I cracked open I cried.  I turned on some Christmas music...this only made it worse...so I switched to the 70s/80s music.  I know, Christmas morning listening to 70s/80s music isn't what it is supposed to be like but it helped.  
The table was set, but I couldn't put a plate where hub usually sat.
As a matter of fact, I asked that no one sit in hub's usual spot.  I just couldn't stand anyone sitting there.

After breakfast, which I could tell wasn't the jolly Christmas breakfast (but I knew daughters were missing their dad just as much as I was) we began opening up gifts.
This young man, was so excited.
This little guy was thrilled to just get one gift...forget about the other presents just let me play!

Oldest daughter and her husband first Christmas as Mrs.and Mr. 

When all left that afternoon (one has to share daughters with their other family), I sat and reflected on the day....more tears..  I missed my Charlie terribly!!  There was an ornament a sweet lady made for me with his picture in it.
I spent the next minutes or hours just talking to him.  Death is so hard...and my life is changed...
I went to the cemetery and talked to him some more.
I know he was probably laughing at how stressed I was cooking Christmas breakfast.  But I know he is no longer suffering from Cancer.

When I got home, I cried some more, then smiled.  All was good for a little while.  I remembered the face of this sweet angel..

Little ones do help bring a smile through the tears.

Hope all had a Merry Christmas.

Wishing all a very Happy New Year!  I usually have a 'word' for the New Year, but I haven't one at the moment..maybe in the next week or so I will have come up with one.

Until next time...Enjoy Life!







2 comments:

  1. It's ok to not be ok. <3 My little Charlie likes singing Baby Shark, too... She sings it all the time! I hope you all had a nice holiday. Maybe you can come to Asheville and visit one day? Mom and dad would love to run around with you!

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  2. Oh my goodnessssss... I had no idea he had passed. That's what happens when you're laid up for 3 weeks from a surgery! I am so sorry!!!! Glad you made it through. This was our first one without my dad & it's just so strange, isn't it? It will be a lot of 'firsts' but you'll get through. Sending you hugs!

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