Courage

Courage has many forms but for me Courage is to ....

Share your fears

Stop talking and listen

Forgive someone

Go out in public by yourself

Ask for help

Book a flight

Life sure didn't turn out as I visioned.  I never would have dreamed I would be a widow at this age.  Hub was a non-smoker, an athlete, a business man, and a social butterfly.  How did cancer take over his body is something I ask myself daily.  These past six months have brought on new challenges for me...ones I never thought of.  

Ironically, my 'word' for 2019 was Courage.... 

Share your fears.... I was asked if I was afraid...afraid of what? was my response.  It took months before I opened up about some fears I have.  Fear of every noise I heard, fear if I was putting the filter in correctly, fear if I was mowing the lawn the way hub wanted it mowed, fear of running the pharmacy the way hub wanted it, fear of the unknown...and the list could go on and on. Sharing some of my fears have helped.   Did it take Courage? You bet it did! 

Stop talking and listen... I am the one who can finish your sentence or insert a word while you are talking.  I could also finish your story...this was me.  I have started to really look a person in the eye and really, really pay attention to what he/she is saying...then I talk.  Have I completed mastered this?  No Way! but having the Courage to at least try is a step in the right direction.

Forgive someone...A person has deeply hurt my late hub and my family.  It is very hard facing this person and I do try to avoid contact.  At night when I do my Bible reading and journal I ask God to help me forgive and I even write that I forgive this person.  Courage.... yes, to me it is Courage.

Go out in public by yourself....I am not talking grocery shopping or a trip to Wal-Mart but....  I have been to two funerals...and if it weren't close friends there is no way I could have taken those steps inside. One was a friend who had lost her hub to cancer and the other was a friend whose son was killed on duty. Courage to walk inside...Yes

Yesterday, I attended a wedding of hub's close friend whose son was getting married.  On the memories came.  Courage

People never said here is Charlie or here is Tammy. It was always here is Charlie and Tammy...we were one. And to go SOLO takes Courage.

Ask for help....Hub just to say I was too stubborn and I need to ask for help.  I have always been the type to do things on my own.  I have had to tuck in my wings on more than one occasion and call someone to ask for help.  The first time I did this, I was so nervous, but the generosity the person showed me eased my nervousness. I thought I had locked the keys to the vehicle inside the vehicle..turns out I started the vehicle inside my house and had the keys in my purse!  Courage to make that first call.

Book a flight....Actually, the flight was booked by my friends because I was backing out of the trip (they know me too well).  So a little trip is planned in the future. Courage I guess...or craziness.

Many probably think these are definitely  not examples of courage....I didn't jump into a burning building to save someone, I didn't dart in front of traffic to rescue a person, etc. My Courage is facing tough challenges when I lost my spouse of 37 years to cancer....after watching and caring for him for a year. 

June is going to be rough for me....it is our anniversary month June 20th to be exact...and then July is our birthdays.   I lean on this verse: Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid, the Lord your God is the One who goes with you. (Deuteronomy 31:6). 

Six months have passed since I lost my dear husband and I have had Courage to do what I never imagined.

Have a Blessed Week and don't forget to....

Enjoy Life